If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
