So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
