im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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