im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
