guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
