She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
