U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize