Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
