i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
