I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Randomize
