this just has baby written all over it
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize