He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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