the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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