I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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