Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Thank you for not boning my boss.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
