If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
