The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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