I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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