Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
