Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
