It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
