I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
