I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
