we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
