I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize