I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
