Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
