Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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