if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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