she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
