I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize