who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
