I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
When did angry sex become our thing?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
