She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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