Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Randomize
