I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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