His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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