if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
