I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
