i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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