I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
