On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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