Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
