My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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