My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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