i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
