is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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