Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
