I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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