I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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