Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
