I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
It was confusing and full of hummus
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
