No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
