I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
and she was petting her beer can
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
