Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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