Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
