he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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