New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
