yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
