Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Who died my cat blue again?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
