As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
