I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
