A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
