Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize