I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize