The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I think a kid would responsible me up
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
