i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
