we made out on top of his cat.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
