Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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