So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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