i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
The feeling are messing with the penis
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
