i just sold back the books i vomitted on
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
My dick has a subreddit
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
