the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Randomize