Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
